Saturday evening I started feeling off. I couldn't really pipoint what was wrong, but I just wasn't feeling great. After trying to fall asleep till almost 2 A.M., I gave in to the Coke induced insomnia and got up for a few hours. While I was playing around on the internet (looking up things like "Coco, Ice T's wife" on Wikipedia), I realized there was something familiar about the way I was feeling. I had felt this way before. Twice before, actually. I quickly brushed these thoughts out of my head, took some Benadryl, and crawled back into bed.

On Sunday morning, I woke up (late! thankful to Hubby for getting up with the girls) and noticed that I was still not feeling well. We went to church together as a family and on the way home I swung by the drugstore. I ran in and out without Hubby even asking what I had purchased.

While Lindsay was getting Murphy lunch, I slipped into the bathroom to take this:

That's right; it's a pregnancy test...

I thought I my eyes must be deceiving me when I saw this:

In case you think your eyes are deceiving you,

yes, that's a + sign. 

I went running to the dining room and shoved the stick in my husband's face shouting, "What do you see? WHAT DO YOU SEE? Do you see a plus? IS THAT A PLUS?" Frantic. I was frantic. Realizing I had two more tests from the same box, I ran back to the bathroom and took the other two.

Because you can't tell from the pic,

let me interpret: Positive. Positive. Positive. 

At this point, I went completely ballistic and asked ordered Hubby to head back to the store and pick up more tests, 'those expensive tests that say PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT' in nice, plain letters. While he was gone for what felt like two weeks, I began to really think about what was going on. I love my children. I love all children. I love the idea of having a large family. I love the idea of actually being pregnant again. I did not, however, like anything about the prospect of having three children under the age of three. My other two pregnancies were planned, very planned. The whole idea of being pregnant on accident has always baffled me. But still, here I was, standing in the middle of my backyard, tilting the sticks back and forth in the sun, and refraining from using profanity in from of my children. Lindsay returned with opened box and unwrapped text in hand, and I quickly took care of business. Three more times.

And, each of these super fancy, digital tests read: NOT PREGNANT. Huh? Hadn't I always heard that you can't get a false positive? Timing wise, it made no sense that any test would not show up positive if indeed I was pregnant. So, after telling Lindsay that I needed to use 'those tests I used when I found out I was pregnant the first two times because I know they're right,' I headed to the store, came home, and immediately took these:

And they were both negative. Hmmmmm.... I tried to put the whole thing out of my mind and laid down to rest for a few minutes. Rest?!?! What was I thinking? Who could rest at a time like this? So, I called a local urgent care to get an 'expert' opinion on what was going on. The nurse I spoke with told me that it was virtually impossible to get a false positive and that I had probably just diluted my urine by drinking excess water to take more tests. She told me to take a test first thing the next morning. 

After talking to her, I tried to move on with the evening as normally as possible. On our way home from small group that night, I ran by the store, again, and picked up another box of tests. (And, yes, we've spent well over $100 on pregnancy tests at this point.) After we got the girls in bed, I got antsy again and decided that I couldn't wait till morning to take another test.

If you're keeping track, 

that's six negative and three positive.

The moment I opened my eyes the next morning, I took another test:

I was completely dumbfounded by the three positive tests from the day before. I gave my OB a call to get her take on it. I felt sure she would tell me that the 7 negative tests trumped the 3 positive ones. (Makes sense, right?) Instead, she told me that there was no way to be sure and that I needed to go have a blood test done to get a definitive result. 

I had my blood drawn at about 11:30 AM Monday morning and then began the waiting game. (tick tock) During this period, my emotions ranged from anxiety to fear to eager anticipation. (tick tock) I began to think more logistically in terms of what a positive result would mean for our family. (tick tock) We'd need a new car, after all. (tick tock) At 4:35 PM Tuesday, I got the phone call from the doctor with the test results... I AM NOT PREGNANT! She was as baffled by the positive tests as I had been and said that I must have gotten a 'faulty box.' 

Curious as to what a 'faulty box' looks like?

Note it boasts being over 99% accurate!

So, here I sit, 48 hours after that call: happy with the results yet feeling more and more sure that our family may not be quite complete. When we'll be adding another bambino to our brood, I can't say; but I do know what pregnancy test I won't be turning to when that time comes!

If You Give a Mommy a Minute

One of my favorite parts of any day is sharing bedtime snuggles and stories with my girls. We've made stories a part of the bedtime routine since Carter was a babe, and Murphy girl has just started joining in on the fun. Some of my favorite children's books are the If You Give a... series by Laura Numeroff. Pookie can finish every line, and I can totally relate to these poor ADD-ridden animals' frequent distractibility!

Please enjoy my homage to mommies everywhere...

If you give a mommy a minute, she'll decide that she should use it to clean up dog poop.
When she goes to get a trash bag for the poop collecting, she'll discover that the battery packages are taking up too much space in the drawer, so she'll repackage the batteries into ziplock baggies.
As she's putting up the batteries, she'll remember that the flashlight needs new batteries; so she'll begin searching for it.
While she's looking for the flashlight, she'll come across a coupon for a kid's clothing website and realize that she needs to order some clothes before the coupon expires.
When she's browsing the clothing selection, she'll wonder if her little princess has a skirt to match the Patchwork Applique T-shirt, in Bubblegum, with Chicken. So, she'll go into her daughter's room to evaluate summer skirt options.

When looking through the closet, she'll realize that she's not sure what still fits her growing girl. So, she'll beg her three year old to participate in a fashion show.
When the fashion show is complete, she will go into the kitchen and get her angel three gumdrops as a treat for trying on the clothes without any too much whining.
While in the kitchen, she will notice that pancakes from breakfast are still on her daughter's tray, and she'll begin to clean.
As she's scrubbing the sticky, syrupy, mess, she'll remember that she has actually not eaten a bite of food all day; so she'll begin rummaging through the pantry and quickly scarf down a handful of cheddar bunnies and two Double-Stuffed Oreos.

When she's finished eating her "lunch," she will realize that she is parched as she has not had a drop of any non-caffeinated beverage in three days. She'll quickly gulp an entire bottle of Dasani water.
After drinking the water, she'll realize that she has not used the restroom since 3 AM when she was awakened by the dogs' barking. She'll sneak past her daughter, who is now engrossed in trying to scrape the gumdrops from her molars, and dash to the bathroom.
During her precious alone time, she'll glance at the shower and remember that some grown-ups actually take showers every day; so she decides to take one.
When she finishes up her luxurious four minute shower, she'll hear her baby whimpering on the monitor and realize that nap time is over a bit early today.
She'll quickly towel dry herself, slick her hair back in a wet pony tail, throw on some semi-clean clothes from the closet floor, and run upstairs lest the soft crying turns to wailing.
When she gets upstairs to pick up her littlest love, she'll discover that the nap time was cut short because of a ginormous poop, and she'll begin to change her darling's diaper.
As she wipes the poop from between her daughter's shoulder blades, she'll be reminded of the dog poop that is still lying in the hot sun of the backyard.
And, chances are, if she remembers the dog poop, she'll probably need to find a trash bag to put it in...

It's kind of sad that my little ditty both begins and ends with poop, but I feel sure that most any mommy out there can relate. Many days do begin and end with poop, whether literal or figurative. This Mommy business may not be the most glamorous job in the world (or on this block), but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Happy Mother's Day! 

A Sad Day in Mommydom

Early this morning with the house still quiet, I sat in the sunroom and consciously nursed my baby girl for the last time. I say consciously because when I woke up this morning, I decided that today would be the day that I would officially stop breastfeeding. As I gazed down at my precious Murphy, I thought back to the last six months of our nursing journey.
A few days before Murphy was born, I told a friend that I was more scared of nursing than the epidural, c-section, or surgical recovery that laid ahead. I had a less than pleasant experience attempting to breastfeed Carter, and I was terrified of the immense pain and guilt that I was sure would be a part nursing my newborn. When Murphy was two days old, a nurse in my hospital room asked me if I was enjoying breastfeeding. With hot tears streaming down my face and postpartum hormones raging, I stoically replied, "I hate it." She softly suggested that I give up nursing, but in my mind, that wasn't an option I cared to entertain.

Admiring my new little love 

as she dozed with her tummy nice and full.

A week later, I sat on my back patio with a girlfriend who asked me how nursing was going. I calmly said, "It's going well, but I won't be doing it for long." At that point, each feeding session lasted at least an hour which was quite a challenge given that I often had a two year old climbing on my head while I tried to feed the baby. Additionally, though not as severe as it was with Carter, breastfeeding still hurt. A LOT. I randomly discovered that biting down on popsicles while feeding Murphy helped to relieve the pain, and during the first few weeks after she was born, I easily consumed over 50 popsicles.
At Murphy's two week check-up, I asked the pediatrician her thoughts on how long I should continue nursing. She said, "Do you not like it?" Again, I plainly said, "No." She suggested that I give myself the goal of two months and to take it day by day. When I left her office that day, I did decide that I would try my best to keep it up for two months. Over those two months, I had talks with many girlfriends who offered lots of tips and encouragement. (I learned that the excruciating feeling comparable to lightning shooting through my chest was actually a good thing and meant that I had plenty of milk for baby girl.) Nursing sessions began to last 15-20 minutes as Murphy was able to stay awake longer and became a much more efficient eater.
Those two months came and went, and I actually stopped dreading nursing sessions. It was easy to leave the house with only a diaper in my purse; no need to pack bottles, formula, bibs, etc... Middle of the night feeding was such a breeze, as I could just reach over to Murphy's Moses basket, pick her up, and feed her; no stumbling through the dark house into the kitchen to make a bottle. By the time Murphy turned three months old, not only did I not dread nursing I actually began to enjoy it which is something I honestly never thought could have happened.
As time continued to pass, I was mindful of the fact that my hubby and I would be traveling to Jamaica for a dear friend's wedding just after Murphy's six month birthday. In preparation for being away from the babe, I began working with her to take a bottle. She had absolutely no interest in a bottle, so I had to go as far as to conduct what I coined as 'Bottle Boot Camp' which entailed me leaving her with a sitter all day with only the bottle as her food option. She used this opportunity to display her strongest resolve and refused to eat for almost ten hours. Fortunately, on the first day of our trip, she finally conceded and began to drink both breast milk and formula from bottles in my absence.

Happy with my Hubby at the rehearsal dinner

in Jamaica... between pumpings!

During the trip, I carried both a double electric pump and a manual hand pump with me on the plane. I pumped in airport bathrooms, airplane bathrooms, our fancy schmancy villa, and a random room at the wedding reception. I pumped. And pumped. And pumped; all in an effort to maintain my milk supply so that I could seamlessly continue nursing when I returned home. Despite my best efforts, my milk supply dropped. And dropped. And dropped. By the Monday night when we returned to Denver, I was scarcely able to pump 1/2 an ounce of breastmilk.

When Murphy girl woke up on Tuesday morning, I went upstairs to get her up and feed her. I was so thrilled at how she immediately turned to me to nurse her, despite the fact that I had been gone for five days. However, she only nursed for a couple minutes and then began to cry. Reluctant and sad, I walked downstairs, made her a bottle of formula, and watched as she gulped down seven ounces. Yesterday was a tough day; I nearly burst into tears just selecting which formula I should buy at Costco, and I did cry when my husband fed her a bottle at bedtime. This was the first night, ever, that I had not nursed her before laying her down for the night.
So, this is why I made a conscious decision this morning to nurse Murphy one last time today. I wanted to feel like I was making this choice, rather than having my body make it for me. Of course, I was only able to feed her for about five minutes, but I used that time to deliberately enjoy the experience. I whispered to my sweet angel how much I had loved our special bonding time, and that I would so greatly miss it. I told her that it was my love for her that lead me to push few those first few difficult months, and I thanked her for helping me to realize my own strength.

Murphy Girl today...

her sweet eyes are my comfort.

Now for the Non-Things

After my last post, I got to thinking... if folks I don't actually know in real life take a peek at my bloggity blog, they may think that I care an awful lot about material things. And, though I really do enjoy coming across new stuff that makes my life a tad easier or a bit more fun, my most beloved things aren't really things at all. They are the non-tangibles that make my life a life.

Here you have my Favorite Non-Thing, Things, of 2011, Q1...

1. Girl Talks... now and again, a girl just needs another girl... to vent to, to laugh with, and to take walks down memory lane and make predictions about the future. In the early months of this year, I've had many chances to do just that with girlfriends old and new.  I sat in a bookstore and caught up with my best friend from high shchool while our kids ran wild and ransacked the store. I enjoyed an afternoon chat on the back porch of my best friend from college while our kids had a ball just getting to know each other. I sat by a cozy fireplace in Beaver Creek catching up with an expectant first time mom from Dallas and giving her my best tips for the months that lie ahead. From phone calls across the country to visits in my own backyard to a booth at Chick-fil-a, I have loved time spent with all the great gals in my life!
2. Laughing at/with Pookie... I get it. Every parent thinks his/her kid is funny. But, in my case, I think that my child is the funniest human being on the face of the planet. She makes me laugh. Every. Single. Day. Of course, there are far too many hilarious quips to share, but two in particular do stand out. Mommy: "Carter, I need to talk to you about why you were naughty to Daddy in the bathtub last night." Carter: "I don't want to talk about it. I won't do it again. I'm sorry," followed by a BIG hug and kiss. The kid is learning brevity, and that's something I can appreciate! On one of our first warm days this season, Pooks was playing out in the backyard when she realized that she needed to go potty. She ran inside, got her froggy potty, and carried it to the backyard. She sat down on it, and then promptly asked me for "a little privacy." The idea that she wanted privacy despite being in the middle of the backyard completely cracked me up. 
3. Loving on My Littlest Love... my Murphy Girl is what you might call a 'lap baby'. What can I say; the kid wants to be held! Every now and again, it does get difficult when I'm trying to do something, like make dinner or use the bathroom for example, but overall I just love having a snuggle bunny for a baby! There is no greater feeling than when she takes a pause from nursing to look up at me with her bright eyes, sweet smile, and precious little squeal. On hectic days, I try to remember that plenty of times lie ahead in which she will not want to be cuddled in Mommy's arms. Murphy melts my heart in an indescribable way!
4. Grown-up Time with My Honey... despite the fact that we have two dogs, two small children, and one busy life, Hubby and I manage to get a fair amount of alone time in. We escaped to the mountains for a weekend (Murphy Girl did tag along, but having just one kiddo in the backseat feels like a real treat!), tried out a couple new restaurants (Fruition was delish!), and snuck in a weekday lunch date. Without question, celebrating our five year wedding anniversary on March 25 was the sweetest thing! As a present for my hubby, I made a 'mix tape' of all of the songs that remind me of 'us'. Putting it together was such a beautiful, nostalgic trip down memory lane. (As an aside, I-tunes makes such a gesture much easier than it was circa 1993!)
5. This... since my first entry on New Year's Eve, blogging has become such a wonderful, creative outlet for me. I enjoy thinking about my next blog, mapping it out, and then getting my thoughts into print. I have always enjoyed writing, and it feels so good to be doing it again. I also like the fact that I have cut myself a little slack by trying not to obsess about perfect grammar or even consider what others will think of what they are reading. As I hoped it would be, I love that The Salad Days is mine. All mine. 

Without a doubt, my Favorite Non-Thing, Things provide me with an infinite amount of joy and fulfillment that no thing ever could. 

Favorite Things, Q1

Late last year, I compiled a list of my ten favorite things of 2010. I am slightly embarrassed to admit that, though it is only April, I already have a list for 2011! Since my hubby tends to think of things in quarters in his world, I've decided that my favorites things list will be a quarterly report.

So, below are my Favorite Seven Things of 2011, Q1...

1. Nifty Label Maker... holy moly! As an organizational freak, I have no idea how I have lived without this item! Though I had wanted one for awhile, its purchase became non-optional after my in-laws visited and filled our home with beau-coups of new, early birthday toys for Pookie. I had SO. MUCH. FUN. reorganizing our playroom. I conserved lots of space by eliminating all boxes and storing toys in ziplock baggies. I labeled each bag and created a system for easily identifiying the shelf or basket where each thing belongs. After all the playroom fun, I made labels for all of Pookie's jackets, her backpack, and her lunch box as well as all of her art project supplies. Brothers Label Maker
2. Gel Manis... I have a terrible habit of peeling off nail polish, so I haven't had a manicure in years. (Why would I pay for something that I am going to personally destroy in days?) When a girlfriend of mine told me about this new type of manicure that lasts two weeks (three for me!), dries almost instantly, and doesn't chip, I was totally game. Not only do my nails look nice and pretty, but I also get in a little "me" time every couple weeks! Gel Manicure at 5th Avenue Nails
3. Darling New Drawer Pulls... after spending nearly a year searching, I finally found the perfect bedside tables on sale at a lamp shop last December. Despite loving the unique silver finish, I was still disappointed in the office-looking bright silver drawer pulls that came on them. When I came across these adorable round pulls at Anthropologie, I knew they would be the perfect compliment to the tables. I opted to mix and match two yellow, two red, and two purple pulls since each table has three drawers. I love how a tiny change can completely transform a piece of furniture! Anthropologie Prismatic Spring Drawer Pulls
4. Patagonia Zip-Up Fleece... this item is doubly-good because it was free! Every year when my hubby's company has their annual meeting, they get some type of jacket monogrammed with the company logo, and as a spouse, I get to reap the benefit! This year's cozy comfy style was especially a winner! I wore it, literally, every day for at least two weeks after I got it (with the occasional washing, of course.) Thank you, Excellere Partners! Black Patagonia Fleece
5. Whirlpool Duet Pedastal Drawers... if there's one thing I like even more than shopping, it's finding a great deal; and that's just what happened with this purchase. I have loved my Whirlpool Duet washer and dryer since we purchased them back in 2006 and have only slightly regretted not heeding the salesman's advice and buying the accompanying pedastals. Paying an additional $500+ dollars at the time just to have the washer and dryer be a little higher seemed ridiculous to me. However, while perusing a local store that was going out of business, I saw the pedastals for less than 1/3 of the original price and grabbed up the last pair. I am loving how much easier they make the mundane act of laundry, and the huge drawers for extra storage is an added bonus. Whirlpool Pedastals
6. The IPad... my electronic angel. Before you judge me for giving a tablet a title equal to that of a miraculous, spiritual being, please take a gander at the story of my traveling nightmare from February. Does it seem a little silly that my almost three year old has an IPad? Sure. Do I care? Not at all. The IPad
7. My Sperry Topsiders... since Colorado has been teasing us with the occasional taste of spring, I decided it was time to move the winter boots to the back of the closet and find some good every day shoes. I've always been a little skeptical of the Sperry, not sure they were me. Too preppy perhaps? Well, armed with my 20% off coupon, I picked up a pair at J. Crew; and I couldn't be happier. I love how they are comfy like a sneaker but cute enough to look like I'm actually wearing them as part of my outfit. Sperry Topsider

There you have it. My top Seven Favorite Things of 2011, Q1.

(Why seven? Because it's too early in the year for ten; I couldn't narrow it to five; and seven is my favorite number!)

Baffled By My Beauty

Confession: as a mommy, there is one attribute that I am really lacking... a keen mother's intuition. I was completely convinced during each of my pregnancies that I was carrying boys. With my first pregnancy, we chose to have the gender be a SURPRISE! upon delivery. I was absolutely certain, until I heard the words, "It's a girl!" that the little bundle who I'd grown to love in utero was a he. Then, I was so sure that number 2 was a boy that I didn't even think we needed to open the envelope that contained the picture revealed that baby's gender.  Once I learned that I was having a second girl, I became overjoyed! I was excited to be a mommy to two girls and envious of Carter's opportunity to have a little sis!
Very soon after we found out that we had another "she" on the way, the hubby and I began to discuss how fun it would be to watch our girls grow up together and to see their unique personalities unfold. We talked about what interests each girl might have, what activities they may enjoy, who would be the leader of the two, whether or not they would be competitive, and on and on. During these wonderings, we were picturing girls, school aged girls, not a baby and a toddler.
Since making her grand debut in the world, Murphy has had us puzzled. I am slightly embarrassed to admit that, in the first second that I looked at her, my exact words were, "Who is that???" She looked nothing like Carter, nothing like me, nothing like Lindsay, nothing like I expected! Beyond that first meeting, Murphy has proven to be an entirely different creature than her big sis.

Take sleeping habits for example. Murphy slept almost seven hours on the night we brought her home from the hospital, yet she was not consistently sleeping all night until she turned four months old. Carter never once slept through the night until the day she turned eight weeks, and then she slept all night, every night from that day on. At four months old, Carter was in a nice day time routine of taking two scheduled naps a day and being alert and calm in between. Murphy, at almost six months, is still not in a real day time routine. She can take as many as four naps a day and is quite cranky when she wants more sleep.
After placing Carter in her crib, she would play happily for a long time (often over an hour) before going to sleep. The second I lay Murphy down, she sticks her thumb in her mouth and goes right to sleep. Pooks has been attached her her "Lambie" from early on and often slept soundly with it draped over her face and head. Murphy becomes so upset if "Mousey" covers her face that I have to keep it out of arm's reach from her while she sleeps.
As nicknames go, I often refer to Murphy as Lazy Bones! While Carter rolled over from both back to belly and belly to back with complete ease at just shy of three months old, Murphy has yet to roll over from her back to her tummy. Not even once! (She did roll from belly to back at three months, but has decided she is no longer interested in that much work!) Carter had sitting up without assistance mastered by six months old, and Murphy screams if I even try to get to practice sitting with help! She is happiest in my arms or laying in her bouncy seat watching her big sis play.

Despite all her crazy antics these days, Carter was a pretty serious baby. Getting a smile out of her took a bit of work. Though Murphy had colic and spent most of her early months screaming incessantly, she now has the most pleasant demeanor. She radiates joy and smiles with her entire being, especially her sparkling eyes!
I find it amazing that my little girls are  already so very unique, and I look forward to watching them continue to grow into little ladies. While their differences are quite apparent, I am really interested to see their similarities develop. One thing is for sure: they really, really, really love each other. And I really, really, really love being their mommy.

We Lewellens Are Busy

Busy. Busy. Busy. And, of course, I know everyone is these days. For our family, though, I must say that this period of time in our life is feeling quite more 'filled' than any previous time. Allow me, if you will, to break it down for you...

• February 17-March 1... the girls and I visited family and friends in North Carolina. (Feel free to relive this fiasco in my previous blog...)
• March 8-10... hubby attended his company's annual meet in Beaver Creek leaving a post-travel-exhausted Mommy home alone with two post-travel-hyper kiddos.
• March 12-15... Misha-N-Pops paid us a visit which was great fun. Pookie especially enjoyed the early birthday party which was complete with a 9 pound cake and yots and yots of presents! 
• March 15-18... Uncle Mike (my Uncle Mike, not to be confused with hubby's Uncle Mike) and Cousins Kristen and Michael popped in for a Spring Break visit.
• March 21-23... hubby is currently in San Diego which I hear gets its name from a whale's vagina (gotta love some Anchorman!)
• March 29-April 3... Aunt Kiki is coming for a visit... can't wait for her to log some QT with the girls!
• April 12-April 26... Nanny returns! because...
• April 14-18... hubby and I are headed to Jamaica, Mon! for my girlfriend Tamar's wedding.
• April 28-May 2... Cousins Kyndal and Brett and their darling fellas Kaiser and Porter are leaving Pittsburgh behind for a weekend in the Mile High!
• May 29-June 4... hubby and I are Hawaii bound!
• June 10-June 17... my favorite Charlotte gals are coming for their annual summer visit.

Peppered into all the craziness is hubby's birthday, our five year wedding anniversary, Carter Lilly's birthday, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, the end of the school year, swim lessons, gymnastics, solving Murphy Girl's schedule and poop dilemmas,  starting her on solid foods (and hopefully convincing her that a bottle of milk is not her mortal enemy), trying to get rid of this darn baby belly in order to not be completely humiliated during our beachy trips, and generally ensuring that everyone survives the insanity with both a sane mind and a healthy body.

I must confess: this blog is mostly written for me. I'm hoping that it will be a nice reference point for me when I forget who's coming and who's going and when and where the comings and goings are occurring. 

I have a favorite quote: "Anticipation is the purest form of pleasure." I heard this several years ago, and it really resonated with me. When days are long and full of lots of whining (and, thus, lots of wine-ing), I certainly do take great pleasure in anticipating all the fun, memory making days that await us in the next few months. Looking at the bulleted points of busyness above does not make me feel stressed or overwhelmed. It makes me feel fortunate that so many folks want to come visit our toddler infested home. It makes me feel loved. It makes me feel blessed. 

Life is good. Very, very good.