At Least I'm Not Pregnant

I'm coming to you today from deep in the realms of Newbornland: a place that is certainly not for the faint of heart. Here, sleep is attained in maximum increments of four to five hours but more often in just three. Daily scheduling revolves around breastfeeding sessions that can range in length from fifteen to forty-five minutes and must be conducted by yours truly every three hours. Laundry amounts have tripled as the princess of Newbornland prefers to wear several outfits in a single day; if her wish isn't granted, she'll be sure to soil her clothing to such a degree that not just a clothing change but also a bath is necessary. The elder princesses are vying for attention of their own in this altered kingdom and reminding me of the need to maintain normalcy for them, particularly during this holiday season. Fortunately, our friendly Elf on a Shelf, Dolly, has been appeared to aid in curtailing the constant whining and promoting good behaviors.
While awaiting the arrival of Santa and his crew and remembering the real meaning of Christmas, we are all adjusting to Newbornland. As the Mommy, who's on round three of this adventure, I recognize that our time spent here will be relatively short. I know I'll look up and my itty bitty will be running circles around her bigs. But on long, weary nights, that thought is not always at the forefront of my mind.

One thought, though, does keep me focused, motivated, and sane: 

in a simple phrase, 

at least I'm not pregnant! 

Below is a list, though certainly not comprehensive, of ten of the reasons this phrase provides comfort:

1. I can stand-up from the floor or get out of bed without moaning, groaning, or using a crawling stance as my transition position.
2. I have complete control of my bladder at all times.
3. I can enjoy an evening a glass (or two) of Malbec.
4. I no longer stare at my clothing choices and think, 'OK, now how am I going to keep this belly covered today?'
5. I can snuggle with my big girls and give them great, big, squeezable hugs.
6. I can roll over in bed at night without having to wake up, adjust all my pillows, and manually lift and move my tummy.
7. I am not awakened by leg cramps that lead to the need for jumping out of bed. (See #1 to realize the challenge this posed.)
8. I am no longer subjected to the unwanted touches of strangers or their speculation that, because of my tummy size, a) I am wrong about my due date or b) I must be carrying twins. 
9. I am no longer plagued by hip pain, tummy contractions, and irregularity.
10. Rather than being awakened by her sharp kicks and jabs, I can hold my little belly dancer in my arms.

I'd say I'm actually enjoying this visit to Newbornland more than any other previous trip. Having been here before, I know that an end is in sight: sleep durations will lengthen and schedules will become more predictable. The little itty bitty who sometimes prefers to sleep on her tummy on Mommy's chest will soon be a crawling little monkey with a mind of her own. I'm taking in her smell, her snuggles, her smiles. And, when all these realizations aren't enough, and the reality of this place becomes overwhelming and exhausting, all I have to do is remind myself...

At least I'm not pregnant.

PS... for those readers who have never before been pregnant, yet hope to be one day, I assure you, it's a beautiful, magical thing...