Deez Nuts: A Tale of an Enlightened Second Grader's Expanded Vocabulary

With a few weeks left in the school year, I was doing my best to balance all that Maycember brings topped by the addition of a newborn to the mix. I felt like things were going pretty well, though, admittedly I was probably judging my success through a dense, sleep deprived fog. So, one afternoon when my perky as pie eight year old bounced off the school bus and into my bedroom as I nursed the baby and told me she had something to share with me since 'my sisters aren't around', I imagined she had planned a fun surprise for them for their daily after school adventures. I greeted her warmly and with a kiss and anxiously waited for her to share her surprise. She looked right into my eyes, pigtails bouncing, and casually said, "BITCH". Just like that. Without a pause or inflection.  That grown up word spilled right from my daughter's lips.

THIS face. 

Does it not scream out innocence?

Backstory...

A couple of nights before, all of the girls had gone to dinner with their Daddy so that I could get a little rest. In the middle of their date, I received a text from my hubby informing me that our oldest child was spelling the F word in the car and that middle daughter was repeating it. Clearly he was shocked and upset. Till this moment, the baddest bad word we'd heard any of our children say was stupid. In fact, in our home, we still say fanny or bottom or booty instead of butt and spell the word fat. We continue to avoid cartoons like Rugrats just because of the sassy backtalk that could be imitated. And, yet, my husband had just heard our little darling saying spelling, thank GOD, the granddaddy of all naughty words. 

So, when we got the other girls down that night, we had a talk with her about where she'd heard the word (a fellow second grade classmate with a big brother) and when she'd heard it. We let her know it was the worst of the worst and she should not say it again. She was truly sorry and promised to come to us the next time she heard a word that she was unsure about. 

And THAT is how the encounter with my darling came to be that afternoon. She was simply sharing with me a new word she'd heard to find out whether or not it was 'bad'. Once I lifted my mouth back up off my chin, I got to the bottom of its origin - darn you older brothers!!! - and told her that indeed she should not say that word. I also used this time to see if she had any other words floating around in that inquisitive head of hers. 'Well, we were doing a word search and some kids were laughing at A-S-S and H-E-L-L,'. Great. So she'd pretty much been exposed to every four letter word that we've tried so gosh darn hard to keep out of her ears {as well as 'deez nuts' which I needed hubby to define for me}. I hated the fact that true curse words would no longer just go over her head if she occasionally heard one on a movie or something. 

Once we got into summer and she was no longer exposed to those big brother influenced hooligans, I thought things would be easy breezy in the language department. I mean, honestly? I deserve some kind of mom trophy for keeping obscenities tightly under my breath during moments of ninety degree heat - car seat installing - kids whining - baby crying - stress. I'm talking a Gold. Freaking. Medal. But alas, her will for being a good girl and a great example to her little sisters is just no match for her desire to totally drive her daddy bat-crap crazy with the use of the 'P' word. {Penis. Obviously.} Now, I see it as no different than saying arm or leg, but he just can't bear to hear that word come out of his girls' mouths. So, when a simple car trip lead to shrieking laughter and the constant chant of 'Pe-nis! Pe-nis! Pe-nis!' I had to intervene on my blushing hubby's behalf.

Ten reasons she should not teach her sisters 'penus'. 

My personal favorites:

# 8 Murphy has a BIG mouth. # 6 Murphy always lies.

# 7 Wright says inappropriate things like "poop". (Loved her use of the quotes on that one.)

It's not so much that we think "bad" words are the end all be all, it's more about maintaining our kids' (it's SO WEIRD to me that I can no long use the pronoun girls when referring to all of my children! but, I digress) innocence for as long as we can. Oh, I get it. The real world won't give a rat's behind about their innocence, but in our home, fairies are real and grown ups have the power to turn our ears off at whim. I also realize that she is our first child, our oldest, and that numbers three and four will probably start kindergarten having already viewed a PG-13 movie or two. Heck, I probably will lose my battle and let a bad word make it farther than under my breath. Her being the oldest doesn't make it any easier though. It may even make it harder because, despite being the oldest, she is still our first baby. I guess we all just want to keep our babies babies for as long as we can, and every little thing that leads them closer to growing up is just no fun for us parents. Damnit.